It’s… Michael Gove’s Flying Circus


A prototype GoveAir flying machine: ‘No frills, no fun, just facts’

All Change Please! has learnt that GoveAir‘s CEO has announced plans to introduce a new fleet of ‘Back to Basics’ 21st Century flying machines, based on a random pick-and-mix assemblage of components from different countries across the world.  However, it remains to see if the idea will ever actually take-off.

The Heath Robinson-influenced specifications were drawn up over the weekend by a group of representatives from various passenger organisations and focus groups, and include the general requirements for important things such as wings, windows and seats, though it is thought these may eventually be red-penned by the CEO. To keep costs down further, curved surfaces or indents will not be allowed, and this will also apparently help ensure architects and designers don’t get any richer than they already are. Existing pilots, more used to flying modern so-called progressive planes, will be re-trained on Spitfires from the 1950s.

At the same time, flight times will be extended to last a whole day, and pilots’ holidays reduced. They will also be required to take on extra administrative duties, including collecting ticket money and refuelling the planes.

Pilots are naturally bitterly opposed to the plans and are likely to join rival airline marxyJet. According to GoveAir, this will fit in well with their plans to introduce easily re-programmable robot pilots over the next five years.

Controversially the Nation’s children will be expected to be on-board during the test flights. The CEO of GoveAir explained:

“Things have changed since the 19th century, and parents are just too busy now to look after their own children. And with the current completely unforeseen demand for extra school places it will help reduce the need for new school buildings. We also feel it is important to bring more rigour into flying, and to encourage youngsters to become pilots themselves we will be sending a letter of encouragement to all those who manage to survive the experience.  Of course, it would have been much simpler to rely on updating the current design of airplanes which has been successfully evolving over many years, but where’s the Daily Mail headline in that?”

Were you there at the time? Are you happy for your child to fly with Gove Air? Please send us your comments and experiences…

Facts contained in this post loosely based on the following sources:

Image credit: Flickr Redteam

5 comments on “It’s… Michael Gove’s Flying Circus

  1. Hilarious, thank you. This piece could well be used as a model for our writing to inform/explain/describe as detailed in the Nat Curr. It certainly ticks all my boxes…

  2. Oh, I would be so delighted for air travel to return to a style like the one pictured! I no longer fly. It’s too cramped, impersonal, and you have to spend the whole damned day at the terminal going through security procedures anyway. This would be an improvement.

    • Yes, I would be delighted for teaching to return to the way it was. I no longer teach. It’s too cramped, impersonal and you have to do to much admin work…

  3. Nice post, sounds like a real turkey of an airline. I’d suggest the pilots were trained on a Saunders-Roe Princess though, as this was originally built in the 1950s. It had problems with weight, drag and corrosion. Only one ever flew, as it was already obsolete (a flying boat in an age of jets). It is odd that he has such nostalgia for the 1950s as there was at that time quite a love for the future e.g. Dan Dare and lots of other sic-fi, This is Tomorrow at the Whitechapel, futurist car styling etc. Lots of wacky and wonderful experimental planes too, but the Princess really wasn’t one of them.

  4. The teachers I have talked to about this seem to think they will build their own flying machines (using stuff from off the internet) and zoom around under the radar, avoiding Gove airspace as much as possible. Where school airfields have been taken out of local government control this is, of course, completely legit. Academy consortia are likely to take a lead too, so we can look out for hi-spec Harris Flying Carpets. Chocks away!

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