The Gove Who Stole Arts Education


Following last year’s highly acclaimed (and well worth another read if only to discover that sadly very little has changed in the past twelve months)  The Gove of Christmas Present adaptation of a well known story , All Change Please! is proud to present a brand new freely adapted fractured fairy tale, this time based on The Grinch Who Stole Christmas by Dr Seuss. Don’t worry if you are not familiar with the original – the plot is not difficult to follow!

Every Pupil and Teacher
Liked learning and teaching a lot…
But the Gove,
Did NOT!

The Gove hated schools! The whole learning process!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
He stood there in Parliament, hating the schools.

Then he growled, with his Gove fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to keep Arts Education from coming!”

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
“I know just what to do!” The Gove laughed in his throat.

“This is school number one,” The old Gove hissed
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took all the Arts!
The Painting and Drawing! The Drama and Music! The Singing and Dancing!

Then the Gove heard a sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small child!
She stared at the Gove and said,
“Why are you taking our Arts Education? WHY?”
But, you know, that old Gove was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” he lied,
“The curriculum is broken, so I’m taking it home.
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head and sent her to bed.

He did the same thing
To the other schools

“Pooh-pooh to the Schools!” he was Gove-ish-ly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Arts are included!
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
“Then all the schools will all cry BOO-HOO!”

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Gove,
“That I simply must hear!”
So he paused. And the Gove put a hand to his ear.
But the sound wasn’t sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at the schools!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every child was singing! Without any Arts Education at all!
He HADN’T stopped the Arts from coming!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Gove, stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?
Then the Gove thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe the Arts” he thought, “doesn’t come from my political whim.
“Maybe the Arts…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

And what happened then…?
Well…in schools they say
That the Gove’s small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
And he brought back the Arts!

But do remember children, this is a fairy story in which an education in the Arts lived happily ever after. Real life is not always like that…

One comment on “The Gove Who Stole Arts Education

  1. Other T (AKA MrArtist) sends this reply!

    With the Gove at the helm
    And all evidence pooh-poohed
    Condescending, spluttering and speaking absurdly
    To contrive and convince the coalition partly

    Profundity of words
    Confusions of fact
    Bounce around in the Gove’s narrow mind
    Inventing wide change both wrong and so blind

    Budging not even an inch
    Or even the slightest of flinch
    The Gove mucks it all up
    Just a quick nod, and then a hard pinch!

    He’s stolen more than the arts
    He’s also lost common sense
    Where can it be found?
    No, not “behind you!” but:
    “Stuffed right up this right-wing’s farce!”

    Oh please!
    For the sake of the children
    And this country
    Leave well alone and when will this mess pass?

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