Teach Last

25972179_bddb47af9e_bThe English Department of Bash Street Academy prepare for battle

Re-train recently retired to teach at inner city schools, say Tories  (Warning: opens in Daily Mail)

Tory plans for retired pensioners to retrain as teachers  (The Torygraph)

Retrain retired teachers, say Tory MPs  (The Grauniad)

Today, senior Conservatives from the so-called progressive 2020 group have proposed a new scheme in a bid to save public pension funds by reducing the number of elderly who receive pensions.  It involves encouraging the recently retired to train to become teachers in inner-city schools, thus ensuring their life expectancy will be substantially reduced.

“Given the amount of stress and pressure involved we doubt whether they would survive their first year in the classroom”, a spokesperson didn’t say, before not adding, “We would expect the number of heart attacks and suicides to increase dramatically, thus saving the country billions of pounds over the next thirty years. Meanwhile these people may have a wealth of experience but it will be completely out of date by the time today’s children reach employment age, so they won’t be missed.”

Suggestions that Michael Gove will be amongst the first trainees were rigorously denied.


 “The 2020 Conservatives is about the radical progressive centre ground of the parliamentary party, setting out bold ideas for unleashing social mobility and enterprise in 21st century Britain. We are setting out a programme of reform to show how economic and social enterprise and responsibility can go hand in hand in a competitive and compassionate Conservative Britain.”

You have been warned…

Meanwhile 2020 All Change Please! would like to propose a parallel scheme in which recently retired teachers would be retrained as politicians, lawyers and bankers in attempt to sort out the complete mess the country is currently in.


Image credit: Flickr/CatherineSmith