Who Ya Gonna Call?

MYTHBUSTERSfeature-ghostbusters

Traditional educationalists and politicians are currently obsessed with ‘de-bunking’ so-called educational myths which oddly enough seem to be primarily about so-called progressive teaching methods.  Always the one to keep up with current trends, All Change Please! thought it was time to indulge in some myth-busting of its own. And here’s what it came up with.

Myth 1: The Earth goes round the Sun
This one is pretty obvious. Of course it doesn’t. The clue is in the words Sunrise and Sunset. Now if they had been called Earthrise and Earthset it might have been a bit more believable.

Myth 2: The Earth is a sphere and spins at around 1000mph
This is a bit daft isn’t it? If it were round, things would keep sliding about and rolling off everywhere. But they don’t do they, so it must be flat? And if it really was spinning at that sort of speed we wouldn’t be able to stand upright, would we?

Myth 3: Data can be transmitted vast distances using electromagnetic waves
Now this is just plain ridiculous. Are you having me on? Have you ever actually seen one of these so called waves? I mean how could they possibly almost instantaneously travel all that distance and then pass though solid walls? This is all probably just one of those magic illusions set up by Derren Brown.

Myth 4: You shouldn’t believe anything you read in the Daily Mail
This can’t be correct because it says in the Daily Mail that everything they print is true.

Myth 5: Children go to school and learn lots of useful facts that will set them up for life
Now anyone who has ever been to school knows this one is a complete myth, unless of course they happen to be a traditional teacher or a politician.

Myth 6: All children learn and make progress in exactly the same way at exactly the same speed and age. It’s just that some seem to be better at doing so than others
This myth comes in very handy because if you believe this it means you can teach everyone the same facts in the exactly the same way.

Myth 7: Project work and collaboration are an unnecessary distraction from real learning, and anyway students just sit around chatting about what they saw on TV last night
If you believe Myth 6, you will probably believe this one as well because the reality is that creating successful learning situations involving project work and collaboration is demanding and risky. And anyway, watching TV is just so 20th Century.

Myth 8: Making examinations harder to pass means lazy, good for nothing teachers will work harder and children will learn more
Wrong again. It just means that more teachers will leave the profession and more children will leave school without any qualifications.

Myth 9: Collecting vast amounts of data on children’s day-to-day performance in school improves their education
No teacher actually believes this to be true, and knows for certain it is all a complete waste of time.

Myth 10: The traditional model of formal schooling is completely out-dated in the 21st Century, and children would be better off at home learning from their computers and each other
There might be some truth in this, but there again we do need someone to keep an eye our children and make sure they don’t become terrorists while we’re both out at work trying to earn enough to pay the mortgage.

Another shot of slimy green ectoplastic residue anyone?

One comment on “Who Ya Gonna Call?

  1. Myth 11 and onwards:
    The mess we are currently in is so much better than the mess inherited under the the policies of the last (Labour) government who were to blame for the worldwide collapse of banking.

    Things are now better, fairer and more understandable. Everyone in or out of education thinks it’s working in a much better way than ever before. We can now all rest at ease knowing exactly what is to become of our young ones going through the system. Teachers also feel much better than ever before and the road ahead is clear.

    Michael Gove really knew his stuff and really impressed everybody with the fantastic changes he made. All his colleagues think he did a good job so it must be true.

    Before Gove took control I knew my kids would only do quite well in school, now it’s really anybody’s guess how well they’ll do after they are properly audited, channelled and controlled within rigid frameworks that appear to make no sense for a large majority of children, teachers or the general population but I’m told by government that it is all working well so it must be.

    Thanks to this government and its policies I feel really confident that we are investing in the right things (tax breaks for those that have privilege and cash) and attacking the things that really don’t matter (the poor and worthless).

    It’s good to see money isn’t squandered on keeping basic things running in hippy sustainable and fair ways that helps everyone keep going. It makes much better business sense to concentrate resources on things like selling off national assets to investment firms that have intelligent friends of government on the boards of directors. The less clever people never knew they had it so good and it does not affect the pounds in our pockets. The 1p cut in duty on a pint of beer announced in the recent budget means I can now afford an extra pint every six years.

    It all makes perfect sense.

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