It’s Just Williamson at the Df-ingE

Having nothing better to do, All Change Please! likes to amuse itself by trying to be the first satirical educational blog to comment on the announcement of a new education secretary as it successfully did with Miss Piggy and Damian Hindsight, – who it seems had the foresight to resign just before he was given the push. For All Change Please! to achieve this remarkable accolade is not actually particularly difficult, given that there don’t seem to be any other satirical educational blogs around.

In preparation for the exciting revelation – during the current episode of ‘Number 10 Island’ – of the next Secretary in a State about Education, All Change Please! did a little preliminary research into the runners and riders and discovered that the bookies favourites were Jo Johnson, Gavin Williamson and Andrea Loathsome.

BoJo’s younger and probably smarter brother JoJo, aside from being a man who thought he was a loner, appeared to have no previous interest in or experience of education, so initially seemed the most likely choice.

The least said about Andrea Loathsome the better, except she apparently has a particular interest in Primary Education – having once attended one herself and subsequently having children of her own who also went to one. And of course not forgetting her extensive experience of being Leader of the House of Commons, which indeed was very similar to being a Primary School teacher: “No, Andrea, Don’t do that dear…

But it was Gavin ‘Just William’ son, who surprisingly enough emerged as potentially the best candidate. Unlike many current politicians who never went to school (unless of course you count Eton), Just Williamson knows everything about education because he attended state primary and comprehensive schools before going to a non-Russell Group University in somewhere called the North of England and actually worked as a managing director of a Staffordshire-based pottery firm. And as well as his wife being a former Primary School teacher, Just Williamson has also been a school governor. But even more encouragingly, in his maiden speech on 8 June 2010, he said:

“We do not sing enough the praises of our designers, engineers and manufacturers…We will have a truly vibrant economy only when we recreate the Victorian spirit of ingenuity and inventiveness that made Britain such a vibrant country, as I am sure it will be again.”

So perhaps we’ll see D&T back on the curriculum?

Meanwhile All Change Please! won’t mention the tarantula he keeps on his desk, and his being sacked for taking a Huawei leak while Defence Secretary, but hey – no-one’s perfect…

And shortly before 8:30 pm it was announced that the winner is…

…Just Williamson!

 

Well just thank goodness it wasn’t Nick Gibb.

 

 

Gove – but not forgotten?

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The Govinator updates his Facebook page

First of all, All Change Please! would like to bid a not-so-fond farewell to Michael Gove who has single-handedly dedicated his career to provide the source of much satire and amusement over the past 6 years. It’s a bit late, but at least now he’s discovered what it’s like to fail to reach the expected standard in a subject he apparently never wanted to do in the first place.

Meanwhile, back in the real world…

1s-5911677287_e5c5bc4431_b.jpgManagement for Dummies:  it’s as important to Plan and Check as it is to Do and Act…

Total Quality Management, or TQM, consists of organization-wide efforts to install and make permanent a climate in which an organization continuously improves its ability to deliver high-quality products and services to customers. TQM was one of the buzzwords of the late 1980s and early 1990s.

In its time working in the public and commercial worlds All Change Please! encountered some amazingly inept management that usually involved ill-advised human resource appointments, over-investment in inappropriately specified technologies, under-spend on marketing, systemic communication problems, inflexible administrative procedures and layer upon layer of blame culture – all of which contributed to a climate of complete inability to produce high quality products and services. So much so that All Change Please! decided to name it, and came up with the alternative acronym TCM, which stood for Total C**p Management. Thus the letters TCM became appended to many management announcements and directives posted on notice boards, and while it meant nothing to the management teams, communicated plenty to the work-force members in the know.

But in all All Change Please’s! lifetime of experience it has never encountered anything on the grand scale of the current omni-shambles that laughingly likes to call itself the UK parliament. Yet our politicians continue to carry on as before – concerned more with fast-moving Strictly Come X Factor Game of Thrones style contests to decide who will be the next party leaders rather than to actually doing anything in the immediate future to sort out the major meltdown they have collectively fueled. What the referendum revealed was the scale of the underlying problems of unemployment, low-pay, lack of affordable housing, underfunded public services and the depths of racism, all of which the majority of politicians seem happy to continue to ignore.

This is surely TCM of monumental proportions, and while certain media-savvy personality politicians have since resigned – without taking any subsequent responsibility for their actions – our government and democratic management structures and procedures remain completely unchanged. We live in age of highly toxic, compassionless, just deal with losing and move on ‘F**k You‘ politics where all that matters is who is best at lying, threatening and gambling to gain power though fear, intimidation and destruction, and at present there does not seem to be any mechanism for changing it.

Indeed as Tory MPs and the press successfully use Mothergate to rid themselves of Andrea Loathsome before the grass-roots party members have a chance to vote for her, Theresa May or May Not sort everything out – the only remaining applicant – has been offered the post of ‘morning-after woman’ tasked with the unpleasant and unenviable job of cleaning up the horrific mess left by the last administration after the previous night’s riotous shindig before all disappearing off to have a quiet lie down. As the media report May ‘sweeping’ into Number 10, as soon as the door shuts behind her she’ll be given a broom and told to start with the cabinet room floor.

Despite all this, things in the world of education seem to muddle along as usual. In the recent EBacc debate Nick Glibb continued to just keep repeating the same old out-of-date statistical nonsense and never actually answering the questions posed or seem to express any admission that there was perhaps the need to consider and discuss the issues being raised. Then the recent SATs test results revealed that, by a remarkable coincidence, while something in the region of 48% of 11 year-olds have now already been branded as failures and want to Leave school as soon as possible, 52% were on course for Oxbridge glory and voted to Remain. The problem is that, following the principles of FU politics, while the 52% will be rewarded with lessons leading to the narrow, highly academic EBacc, the 48% are also destined to spend five years following the same curriculum that the SATs have just demonstrated is entirely inappropriate for their needs, before eventually being forcibly relocated to a College of FE to undertake what will be seen to be lower-status vocational courses.

As All Change Please! writes we wait nervously to see who will be the next Education Secretary in a State, hoping and praying it won’t be offered to Ms Loathsome as an olive branch – after all she has had children and went to school once herself, so she’s eminently qualified for the job. And, even more importantly, will All Change Please! be able to come up with a suitably satirical new name for the lucky incumbent?

What we don’t know is whether the new appointee – and indeed Team Df-ingE – will simply continue with more of the same destructive ill-informed ’spin now and explore the consequences later’ approach, or take the opportunity to provide a much needed review of education problems and policies, and a fresh start. With Gove’s demise and the evidence of the extent of his mis-judgement and complete loss of credibility over Brexit, perhaps his equally absurd education policies can now be challenged more effectively?

 

Photo-montages by All Change Please!