Past Notes: The Artful Dodger

Minister In A State About School Standards Nick Glibb removes his fancy dress outfit to reveal his true identity as the Artful Dodger

 

So it’s 3 cheers for Nick Glibb then!

For Who?

For Glibb?

I somehow very much doubt it, but do go on…  Wait, AA Milne and Winnie the Pooh isn’t the intended cultural literary reference for this post. Oh well, I suppose I might as well feed you the next line …

Why, what did he do?

I thought you knew? He’s just announced loadsa money to help ensure the future of our creative industries…

Yes that’s apparently correct, and I suppose we should be very grateful that in the future there will now still be a plentiful supply of talented young artists, actors, musicians and dancers able to draw audiences to fill our expensive gallery exhibitions and theatre and opera seats that only he and other well-to-do Tory Party members can afford. So that’s the Tories for you – working for everyone to be able to continue to attend performances at the Donmar Theatre, the Barbican and the Chichester Festival…

I can tell you are going to need a lot of convincing, so could you just clarify the problem?

Well, it’s just that the money the Government is providing is going to go to promoting specialist ‘out-of’ or ‘after’ school opportunities for a minority of wannabe children to become talented performers. And in most cases this means the children of informed, well-to-do families where the parents probably already have some sort of background in the Arts and they have encouraged their off-spring to paint and sing and dance from an early age. As a result many less advantaged children are being denied the chance to discover in school that they might have a hidden talent.

Ah – I suspect there’s going to be some sort of Oliver Twist to this Dickens of a story then?

Indeed yes! The twist is that when he – or at least the Df-ingE – writes in a self-congratulatory manner ‘almost half of all pupils chose to take one arts GCSE last year…’, what perhaps should have been more honestly stated was ‘it’s an absolute disgrace that less than a half of all pupils chose to take a single arts GCSE last year and that figure is projected to fall further in the future...’

The facts that Nick Glibbly artfully dodges, or perhaps just chooses to ignore, include the benefit for all children in studying Arts subjects is to learn about the important things such as creativity, design, problem-solving, team-work and independent learning that are now essential work-place skills for everyone. And as well as taking such courses for their intrinsic value, the self-confidence generated by taking Arts subjects often also helps students improve in their academic subjects as well.

But what really gives the game away as to the extent of his ignorance of the content of the curriculum is in the limitation of his reference to music complementing maths, drama complementing English and the study of art complementing history: the Arts contribute far more than that, to all subjects.

So what could Glibbly have done instead?

If Glibbly really wanted to entitle, encourage and enable children from all backgrounds to benefit from studying the Arts the best thing he could have done would have been to remove the ridiculous Progress 8 accountability measure which uses the all-far-too-important League tables to penalise schools that allow students to take non-academic GCSEs. And what’s more, it wouldn’t cost the tax-payer a penny!

At the same time he could also aim to do something about the dwindling and now somewhat derisory amount of time that all Primary and Secondary schools devote to Arts subjects up to the age of 14.

Ah, I’m beginning to see what you mean. So really it’s essentially just a bit more political spin to help make us believe that the elitist Tory Party is Working for Everyone, when clearly it’s mainly working for itself…?

 

Meanwhile, thanks to a colourful black and white promotional video posted on Twitter by the Df-ingE, All Change Please! has uncovered extraordinary evidence that Nick Glibb is actually living in a 1940s time-warp, and is currently being played by Will Hay…

That’s Will Hay on the left, and Nick Glibb on the right. Or is it the other way round?

Do say:  That Glibbly bloke needs a good kick up the Arts

Don’t say: Thanks to that wonderful Mr Glibbly we will continue to be able to enjoy going to Glyndebourne for many years to come….

 

Image credits – Top: Wikimedia / Bottom: Df-ingE, and thanks to Susan Coles for spotting the likeness!

 

 

Why Are We Waiting…?

1sW-5599669561_3eb7ef5971_b.jpg

Back in late 2015 / early 2016 – long before the term Brexit had been conceived – we all worked hard to submit two important homework tasks that we had been set by the DfingE. The first was write an essay on ‘The Purpose Of Education’, and the second was to provide helpful suggestions as to how the target of 90% of children taking the EBacc could be achieved – although many students mis-interpreted the question as being ‘Explain why making 90% of children take the EBacc is a really really bad idea‘. All Change Please! duly provided the following responses:

No Minister, No, No, No

The Really Big Issues

Any Answers?

So where are the results of our labours? When are we going to be told how we did? Did we pass or fail? Who came top? Do we have to do corrections? Will we have to stay in after school and do the tasks again?

If Ofsted visited a school and found unmarked homework from six months ago it would be far from impressed. So DfingE, just for once, do what teachers do and give up your evenings and weekends, stop watching the Olympics and catch up on your marking. We’d like some feedback please…

Or perhaps you have discovered some things you don’t want us to know?

2059225092_af285a7de6_o.jpg

And finally, on the subject of Maggie May’s pledge to bring back Secondary Modern Schools, a deranged Number 10 spokesman is reported to have said: “The prime minister has been clear that we need to build a country that works for everyone, not just the privileged few.

As a result we are therefore opening up new grammar schools for the privileged few.” he mysteriously didn’t add…

Image credits: Flickr/ Steven Worster (top) , Kristine Lewis  (lower)

Any Answers?

6965869588_89580abd74_o-1“I need to come in to school to take my EFuccing what exams?”

Last week the DfE published its consultation document outlining its latest intentions to make 90% children take the full EBaccteria subjects to GCSE, and Little Missy Morgan made a speech confirming the government’s goals. Well it could have been worse – back in June, Nick Glibbly announced it would be all children…

Meanwhile, the newly-formed, entirely non-profit making All Change Please! Awarding Body has just released a sample examination paper for its new, rigorous specification for courses in GCSE Abject Failure.

Section A
These questions are only to be answered by Nicky Morgan or Nick Glibb.

Q1. “It must be right that every child studies a strong academic core up until the age of 16.”  Justify this statement, with extensive reference to the supporting evidence base. In your answer, clarify exactly why people all have slightly differently shaped and sized arms, legs and other body parts that make them potentially more or less successful in achieving different physical activities, but that all children’s brains are absolutely identical and therefore they have an exactly equal potential academic learning ability.

Q2. Successfully increasing children’s academic performance relies on high-quality academic teaching, yet while many teachers with good academic degrees are highly knowledgeable they are often poor communicators and motivators. Given the current teacher shortages, outline the forward plans for extensive CPD and long-term recruitment of new entrants to the profession who will be able to effectively deliver the curriculum. Spend more than five seconds answering this question.

Q3. ‘O’ levels were originally intended for the most academically-able 20%, and currently around 50% of children still fail to achieve 5 or more good GCSE grades. Demonstrate mathematically, showing your working, how the new more rigorous and demanding EBacc GCSEs that are more similar to O levels will be appropriate for 90% of children.

Q4. Using your best handwriting on the attached Df-ingE headed notepaper, compose a reply to Mr and Mrs Smith of No Fixed Address in response to their letter requesting an explanation as to why their son has just failed all his academic EBacc GCSEs, and that surely his time would have been much better spent taking courses in Business Studies, ICT, the Arts and PE, which are all subjects he excels at? Use robust evidence to convince them that it is better to take and fail an academic subject than to achieve an A* in a non-academic subject. Suggesting that their son is simply lazy and did not try hard enough will not be acceptable as an answer.

Q5. ‘So once again we find adults writing off children, deciding what they can and can’t do, and worse, what they can and can’t go on to do, before they’ve even turned 15′.

a) Discuss the inherent irony in your statement, given that you yourself are an adult who has just decided what children can and can’t do before they’ve even turned 15.

b) Using a spreadsheet and vector-based charts and diagrams, calculate and present the impact of your decision to cancel the popular ICT GCSE, which was taken by 110,000 students, compared to the 35,000 who took the Computing GCSE this summer.

Q6. A recent Df-ingE consultation document stated:

In time, the government wants to see at least 90% of pupils in mainstream secondary schools entered for the EBacc subjects at GCSE… Given the need to take highly variable circumstances into account, we propose that schools should be able to determine which pupils make up the small minority for whom taking the whole EBacc is not appropriate…to achieve the national expectation that at least 90% of pupils are entered for the EBacc.

a) Discuss the impact on the reader of the use of the vague and aspirational phrases ‘In time’, ‘wants to see’, ‘small’ and ‘national expectation’ in the context of the current government’s political propaganda strategy. How does this conflict with the mis-leading and inaccurate messages being given out by the mass-media that 90% of children in each school will shortly be forced to take all the EBacc subject GCSE examinations? Evaluate the extent to which this will annoy and frustrate teachers even further, and explain why, or why not, this was the desired intention.

The consultation document continued:

The government will continue to review this approach to ensure that social justice is being delivered and that all pupils, for whom it is appropriate, take the EBacc.

b) Assuming that social justice has been assured and is being effectively delivered for all children, draw up extensive development plans for Russell Group Universities to admit the 90% of children who will have therefore achieved the required entry standards.

Q7. Produce an extended series of lesson plans on the subject of the 1642 English civil war for a class of 32 highly-disruptive and disaffected 15 year-olds who have little chance of future employment or housing. Include details of your differentiated strategies for dealing with knives, mobile phones, drug abuse and long-term absence from the classroom (i.e., of the students, not yourself).

Q8. Compose an imaginative essay that begins: ‘It was the first day of the new school year and all the headteachers got together and refused to comply with the government’s aspirations to force significant numbers of their pupils to take GCSE examinations that were entirely inappropriate for their learning needs….’

Q9. Write a critical appraisal of your career so far, and in particular the advice you were given at school at the time as to which subjects to choose. Carefully consider to what extent it would have been better if you had studied STEM subjects at university instead of an Arts or Humanities-based subject such as the academic and philosophical study of law, as you did.

Q10. Using the plain paper provided, produce a series of colourful and expressive drawings that accurately convey your feelings of utter dismay and sense of failure when confronted by an examination paper that contains a series of questions which you realise you will be quite unable to answer and you will have spend the next three hours sitting in silence staring out of the school gym window.

The Df-ingE’s consultation document can be downloaded from here. Please note however that the consultation is not about whether the Government’s goals should be achieved, but how they can be best achieved.

Dream on…?

Image credit: Flickr/NeilMoralee