Choose your friends carefully…

A modern re-enactment of a Victorian classroom

All Change Please! couldn’t help but react badly to this recent tweet by a ‘Traditional’ teacher:

Essentially it’s a piece of propaganda intended to reinforce fellow traditional teachers’ mistaken belief that right is on their side and that they are winning the war because the opposition, suitably patronised and ironically called ’our friends’, are increasingly defecting to their side. At the same time it also entirely misrepresents so-called ‘progressive’ teachers as being dismissive of the need for high standards of behaviour: it’s how those standards are achieved that is the issue.

This got All Change Please! thinking up some other unlikely erroneous propaganda statements that might work in much the same way…

“I think quite a lot of our trad friends are realising that behaviour improves when the content of lessons is more immediately relevant to children’s real learning needs in the 21st Century.”

“I think a quite a lot of our literate friends are realising that putting a comma between ‘…kids and staff’ and ‘not oppressive’ in a tweet is quite unnecessary to ensure that the sentence is absolutely unambiguous.”

“I think quite a lot of our Creative Arts friends are realising that Art, Music, Drama and Dance have no educational or economic value whatsoever.”

“I think quite a lot of our IT friends are realising that computers and mobile devices have no place in today’s Victorian approach to teaching and learning.”

“I think quite a lot of our teacher friends are realising the full extent of Gavin Williamson’s understanding of how our education system works.” (Mr Glibbly)

“I think quite a lot of our Remoaner friends in Kent are realising that long queues of lorries are a great benefit.” (Michael Gove)

“I think quite a lot of our NHS friends are realising just how much better SERCO is at managing the health service than they are.” (Matt Hancock)

“I think quite a lot of our Lockdowner friends who insist on wearing masks and self-isolating are realising that Covid 19 doesn’t really exist.” (Libertarians)

“I think quite a lot of our friends who believe the earth is round are realising that it might not be wise to walk too closely to the edge.” (The Flat Earth Society)

“I think quite a lot of our socialist friends are realising just how good a Prime Minister Boris Johnson is.” (Jacob Rees-Mogg)

“I think quite a lot of our British friends are realising that Fascism greatly enhances the quality of life in their country.” (Adolf Hitler)

 

Feel free to make your own suggestions below for suitably unsuitable propaganda statements that begin with “I think quite a lot of our ______friends are realising that…”

 

Top Image credit: Mrs Falconer

A State of Atrophy

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On the basis that good design is so simples that children can do it and so there’s no need to employ experienced professionals, the Queen has launched a competition for teenagers to design a trophy for a valuable engineering prize.

Meanwhile it is believed that to save money the Government are also considering launching various competitions for teenagers with big boxes of LEGO prizes for the winners, including unpaid cabinet internships (except for winners from Scotland). Design Challenges include:

  • A Powerpoint presentation of a completely new economic model for post-Brexit Britain.
  • A poster featuring a highly memorable slogan that will fully persuade Remoaners that the future is going to be wonderful.
  • A new education system that will prepare children for mass unemployment from 2020 onwards.
  • Innovative NHS resources made from old cereal packets and sticky-backed plastic
  • An attractive and environmentally sensitive 3 metre high barrier to separate Britain from Scotland, to be known as Sturgeons Wall.
  • Portable survival shelters for all foreigners currently living in the UK.
  • A cheaper alternative to Marmite.

In reality of course, All Change Please! has no doubt that a group of teenagers – the ones that will inherit the current mess – would probably come up with far better solutions to these latter challenges than the so-called adults in charge at present.

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Meanwhile in other news, Wikipedia politely describes the advent of ‘F*ck Me‘ Shoes as “a derisive slang term for women’s high-heeled shoes that exaggerate a sexual image. The term can be applied to any women’s shoes that are worn with the intention of arousing others.”

At the recent Tory Party Conference however, Maggie May – well known for her enthusiasm for new shoes – kicked off her speech by walking on stage wearing a new exaggerated style of footwear. These were an aggressive pair of extremely hard steel-capped boots, to be known in the future as ‘F*ck You’ shoes and worn with the sole intention of intimidating others.

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And finally, in some Breaking News, former accountant and All Change Please! favourite Nick Glibbly is in the running for a Nobel Trophy for mathematics after today announcing the results of his years of research at the Df-ingE that have let him to the startling and unexpected conclusion that “We need to recruit sufficient numbers of teachers to match the increasing number of pupils.